Young Adults and Responsibility

One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don't come home at night. -Margaret Mead, anthropologist (1901-1978)

My 18 year old grandson is attending junior college while living at home. The other night he sent a text message to his father that he would be staying overnight at a friend's house. Later his father told him he is 18 and does not have to report all of his decisions, or something to that effect.

I think my grandson was being considerate of his parents. Since his staying out all night was not a pattern, he may have known they would wonder where he was. On the other hand he may have felt like all humans feel, the longing for someone to wonder where we are. "One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don't come home at night." -Margaret Mead, anthropologist (1901-1978)

Young adults want all the perks and privileges of adulthood. Most people want the freedoms of adulthood, but only a small minority of individuals want the responsibility that goes with liberty. Responsibility for ourselves and all of our decisions is a heavy burden. We will try many ways to lighten any burden in our lives, including responsibility.

When a young person starts the transition to adulthood they need caring parents and mentors to help them gain the confidence to assume responsibility for themselves. This process should include telling young adults they are responsible for the outcomes of their decisions. This includes small decisions that may have minor unpleasant outcomes. When such a decision proves to be wrong, the parents should not ridicule or demean the decision. To do so will only make the youth more doubtful about taking responsibility for the outcomes of their decisions. It is permissible for parents to teach children how to critique and inquire about the decisions made.

When parents see real danger in a youth's decision they have a right to offer strong advocacy against the decision. When a youth says he or she is about to embark on a process the parents should offer information, not advice, with the reminder of how to make good choices. Good choices are based on good research and avoiding emotions.

As the youth grows and experience outcomes of their choices, even small choices, they will develop confidences which will lead them to accept responsibility. They will learn that responsibility can be a prized asset, not a burden.

Bilbo Baggins